1:57 a.m.

(via ninetenths via annawolf)

I just finished my third cup of Green tea. I'm up late finishing a paper that's due for Creative Writing class tomorrow. I love that class. I finally feel like I'm developing my voice, if you know what I mean. There are so many different approaches to a sentence, and I keep discovering new ways to say the same thing...how cool is that?!

Anyway, the paper is about me, my life, and my journey of self-discovery. That all sounds really boring and cliche, but in a broad sense I write about how I'm becoming who I want to be. It sort of goes like this:

::: In six months I’ll graduate from college. In six months, I’ll stop expecting my dad to pay my car insurance and I’ll stop buying expensive soap. I’ll finally be an adult, something that seemed so glorifying when I was sixteen, which only now begins to seem jarring, trapping, obscenely unexpected.

When I wonder what I’ll be doing six months from now I don’t see crisply tailored suits and chunky paychecks arriving in the mail to a downtown apartment or afternoon board meetings and lunch dates with intellectual friends.

I envision myself standing on the top of a steep, rocky cliff, suspended between the clouds, my foot stepping off of the edge into nothingness. :::

Do you ever have that dream where you step off the edge and don't wake up...instead you just keep falling further and further into the dark?

xx - J